Language is a beautiful thing, no less so to TSR, whose day job is to make sure that everyone’s English is kept polished, correct and grammatical. But learning another language has not proven so simple; more a pain in the derrière.
Yet, in what could be a last-ditch attempt, TSR has once again downloaded her Duolingo app from the cloud, to be put through her French paces with its cute, green owl cheerleader cartoon. This fellow cheers her on with every lesson learnt, awarding her with “gems”. Yes, it may be infantilising, but damn that owl is cute, and its bear friend is egging you on every time you pronounce “les toilettes” correctly. It’s enough to make you swell with pride.
But TSR has learnt something far more important than being able to ask for the bathrooms in a moment of need. That would be the knowledge that pizza is a feminine noun, as it is in the fellow romantic language of its origin, Italy,
It is a great shame then that US pizza takeaway company Domino’s didn’t think to learn a little of its foodstuff’s origins before attempting to launch in Italia. Seven years later, it is retreating with its cheese-stuffed tail between its legs after a failed attempt to launch in the birthplace of la pizza. Everyone knows you don’t mess with a woman, or mother Italy for that matter. Especially when it comes to its cuisine.
TSR will be the first to acknowledge that she likes a Domino’s. But Britain is a hotbed of foodie influences. We know when we fancy a deep-pan, meat feast pizza pie and when we want a thin, crispy stonebaked Margarita. Domino’s can’t offend us for one and all pizza is foreign to us.
But if a company, unlikely as it may seem, came from the other side of the pond with Yorkshire puddings in competition to any made by those up north Angleterre, we might just tell them to “Go do one.”
And so it is no surprise that the Italians have told Domino’s to do likewise and “Vai a farne uno.”
If pride wasn’t enough, the Guardian points out a pizza in Italy can cost as little as €5 (£4.22). If you frequent a Domino’s joint with any regularity, you will know it costs double that, even with one of its “deals” and a garlic & herb dip on the side.
Domino’s has not been helped by a little pandemic, but TSR thinks this pizza endeavour may have ended up flat as a pancake regardless. Having been to Italy, if only only on one occasion, it does not take a rocket scientist to see the heart, soul and passion that goes into their food. An American giant trying to move in on their turf was somewhat admirable, but also incredibly… stupide.
Nevertheless, TSR shall continue to enjoy both her American and Italian pizza offerings in earnest. But perhaps, she will keep this quiet when next within the Italian borders, for there is nothing like an Italian scorned.
The Shrinkflation Review 